could someone please come explain this to my three and a half year old? because what i am saying isn't working.
my child is rude. and no, not in the i-am-shy-so-i-refuse-to-speak kind of way. rude as in when someone says hello, he screams and covers his face. when someone asks him a question, he yells no. he doesn't act that way with everyone. but he acts that way to my grandmother. and today to my former co-workers who were being especially kind to him despite his bad attitude. it embarrasses me. it makes me anxious. and it turns me into the kind of mother i don't want to be; the kind who makes excuses for his behavior. oh, he's hungry. he fell asleep in the car. he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. he's three-and-a-half (complete with a knowing glance). i find myself trying to predict when these outbursts might happen, so that i can preface it with a serious conversation with him about my expectations for his behavior. by the way, it. doesn't. work.
i can handle sassy. i can handle an occasional tantrum. i often find them funny, like the other day when he yelled from time-out that his daddy and i weren't "cool" and that he was going to find new parents in georgia. but rude? i can't handle that.
time-out doesn't seem to work. he could care less about the elf-on-the-shelf, three strikes, losing privileges.
part of me wants someone to tell me this is normal. but the other part of me doesn't want to accept this behavior as normal because it upsets me so. do i need advice? sure. do i need to commiserate? you bet. do i just need to vent? probably.
my sister-in-law once told me that all of the "half" years were difficult for them and that holds true for our family also. two-and-a-half made me want to run away to mexico. and so far, three-and-a-half isn't far behind.
he is the true love of my life, i swear. sometimes i just need to take a breath and remember that.
At this very moment I am sitting at my desk sobbing because of my three and a half year old. I'm at a loss pretty much every day these days. You're not alone, and I do think it's all normal. But Lord, if this is normal then I want something else.
ReplyDeletemy half year old is making me crazy this week as well, and has pretty much every day since she turned 6 months old. good to know that we have less than half a year to go!
ReplyDeletejust keep trucking along, you are a good mother.
ur not alone, Adan's 2.5 is killing me. as a matter of fact, i was telling Marcus, it's like all of a sudden a switch not only flicked the other way in his head, but he took a sledge hammer to the damn socket. i don't see an end in sight, we have officially named him "Adan Guadalupe Sais el Tornado", bc wherever he is, whatever he does, he leaves it in a mess, both physically or emotionally. you don't need advice, you just need to keep doing what you're doing, and this too shall pass, i hope. or i will post in a year of the same damn thing, oh GOD!!!
ReplyDeleteBoo, Ben! Why are you doing this to your Mama?!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, Cortney. Hang in there; you and Chris are not rude people at all, so your kid won't be one either. Break him down! (ha, ha...kind of!)
Love you-
Hey wonderful mommy! I had a moment today - one of those moments when you know the information you're getting is life changing and you really need to pay attention and absorb it. My friend in Cali used to call them "monkey moments" when you just know this info is meant for this exact time in your life.
ReplyDeleteWell, I met one of Jason's favorite guests today, a Mr. Vaughn from S. Africa - he was so excited to meet me and say hi to the baby bump, I guess he and Jason have had many a conversation about family - it was really sweet (especially since he's a big burly guy, haha!).
Anyway - the part I wanted to share with you is that he was telling me about a book called Love and Logic that changed his life.
It taught him how to interact and teach his kids using love and logic (yep, even mid toddler tantrum) which allowed he and his wife to ENJOY parenting. And when he spoke the words "enjoy parenting", I immediately thought of the Bonner and Paradise clans. Jason and I were talking with Chris and Jack at Becky's wedding and they were telling us how they both just adore their families and being parents - it is obvious to even the strangest of strangers that your families are very loved, special, and lucky.
So Mr. Vaughn is a testament to the philosophy of love and logic, having raised a boy and girl that he now regards as his "friends". He said he never wanted children but after having them over 21 years ago, he went looking for a better way to parent because didn't want to repeat his parents methods. He said thanks to finding and using the methods in love and logic (even when he wanted to strangle his kids instead!), he ended up having more fun raising his kids than he could ever have imagined.
As we ended our conversation, He got a call from his daughter, which he answered with a big smile and a cheerful "Sugar Bear!" - his 21 year old daughter is still his "sugar bear" (although he said she's fearsome on the soccer field!)and they talk everyday.
Anyway, super long story later, Jason and I are going to check it out. Mr. Vaughn's obvious joy in talking about parenting and his kids, and how he taught them responsibility AND kept he and his wife sane and un-angry as parents really made an impact on me.
Thought you may be able to use it for a bit of sanity here and there as well!
http://www.loveandlogic.com/
love you - you are my mommy-inspiration for a happy healthy loving family. The occasional breakdowns just make the other moments that much sweeter, right?!