me, myself, and i

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in college i gained the freshman fifteen.  which was to be expected, i guess, considering my diet of chick-fil-a, pizza and beer.  then i gained the sophomore fifteen.  did you know that even existed?  me neither.  then there was the junior five.  and the senior pound or two.  it bothered me at the time, but i wasn't willing to give up having the time of my life to get healthy.  eat healthy?  give up booze?  in college?  no thanks.

then i graduated and the ball dropped.  i was expected to be an adult and i had plenty of time away from my college family to evaluate things.  i was a mess, people.  i wasn't happy with my career, my relationships, my weight, and i mourned the carefree life i just left.  after a couple of years of feeling sorry for myself, i was fed up.  i needed a change.  and the only thing i had control of at the time was my weight.  nothing else, or so i thought.  so my roommate and i marched our big butts into weight watchers and lost forty pounds in a matter of months.  it was the first time i took control.  and it felt good.  things started falling in place for me, not because i lost a bunch of weight, but because i was fed up.  i wanted something better for myself, and it just so happened, that on my journey, losing the weight helped me achieve that.  i stress, i do not think that losing weight is the key to happiness.  the key, i think, is wanting something more for yourself and going for it.

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so here i am, a husband, two children, and what feels like a lifetime later, and that forty pounds that disappeared nine years ago is back.  it's gradual reappearance had nagged at me for a while, but not enough to do anything about it.  i. have. been. busy.

what is back is that feeling of restlessness.  i am ready for something new.  this time though it is less about the weight and more about my boys having a momma that values her health.  i am the lone lady in this testosterone fueled house, so the responsibility to teach my boys about women lies squarely on my shoulders.  i want the boys to appreciate women that love and provide for their family, that nurture their friendships, that value their independence, that love the arts, food, travel, that take care of their bodies.  this time around there is more to it than losing some weight, it is about taking better care of their momma.

so i joined a running club (bwahahahahahahaha!)  it is very basic, geared toward beginners, with the end goal being a 5k.  i know this is not that big of a deal.  but for me it is.  i have always said i'll run if i am being chased.  but if i am being totally honest with myself, i am not sure if that is even true.  i would more than likely surrender, sit down and get caught.  haha.  so we shall see!  the first training "run" is tomorrow morning.  i am scared shitless.  this is waaaaay out of my comfort zone. but i need to prove it to myself, and my boys, that i can do it.  or at least try.

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can i get a medal for trying?  that would be awesome.

wish me luck.