serenity now

well, consider my world officially rocked.

have you heard that saying that god only gives you what you can handle?  i have never really bought into statements like those (i.e. everything happens for a reason, etc.)  our chests puffed with pride every time one of our mother's told us (which they did often) that crosby was the easiest, most laid-back newborn they had ever seen.  we agreed.  the first month of his life he ate and slept like a little champion.  he put himself on a little schedule.  we were much better rested than we ever imagined we would be living with a toddler and a newborn.  and thank god for that, because the energy we saved caring for our easy baby we put to good use disciplining his big brother those first few weeks.  i think we would have run for the hills (or the beach or the bar) if we had two very difficult children to deal with right out of the gate.

i think the honeymoon is over.  something has shifted in our wee one.  the once easy baby has become the baby that is only happy (just 80% of the time) while being held.  he isn't sleeping well, we aren't sleeping well.  he is cranky all the time, we are cranky all the time.  we are constantly asking ourselves, "what is wrong with this kid?  what is wrong with us?  is this normal?  should we call the doctor?  should we switch formula?  is this a phase or just his temperament (pleeeeeeaaaaase be a phase)?"  these questions seem to occur most often in the wee hours of the morning and are usually accompanied by tears, delerium, and panic (all by me of course).  perspective is out of the question.

perspective doesn't usually show it's face until both kids are sleeping.  yesterday i had a big a-ha! moment (as oprah would say).  i am not entitled to a good night's sleep!  i am not entitled to a cup of coffee before the kids wake-up!  life is not the same, so i need to quit expecting it to be so.  duh (sometimes it takes me a while to come to obvious conclusions).  we are in the thick of it.  life is supposed to be insane right now.  

right?  right??????

but this perspective is hard to maintain when you are trying to figure out how to make breakfast for your oldest with one-hand because you are afraid to set your newborn down.  perspective is hard to maintain when your oldest child decides to pee in the trashcan (it was equal parts funny and disgusting).  perspective is hard to maintain when your child needs batteries in his toy NOOOOOOOOOOOW while you are feeding a fussy baby.  and it's especially difficult while you are chasing your child from one end of the house to another because of his refusal to sit in time out (you then have to step outside of yourself and scream, "fool!  quit chasing your defiant three year old.  get a grip, woman!")

so i am just putting it out there, parenting is difficult (duh again).  wonderfully, wonderfully difficult.

*i find so much comfort reading about how other mom's handle their difficult days, like my sister-in-law karin and my friends julie and dweeja.  thank you for making me feel less crazy (which is not an easy job)!